Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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