I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
