do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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