i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
