You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You need Xanax blowdarts
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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