I want to have your abortion
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
