her vagine was all disorganized.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
