did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
