Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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