Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
