I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
