My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
