yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
