Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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