My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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