It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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