Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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