Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
