it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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