I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
