people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
