I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
