We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
