Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
