I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
