did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
