I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Michael Bay diarrhea
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
