pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
