Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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