I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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