Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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