Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
