i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
