Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
