I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
party gras won. party gras always wins.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
