I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
