i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
