Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
