Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
