I hope mine doesn't look like that
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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