i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
