Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
