you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
