she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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