yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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