I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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