why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
