im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
