I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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