i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
