i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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