meet me or not, i'm out of control
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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